wow, i have definitely been slacking on the whole writing/blogging.
i have been writing in my journal thought which is a plus. Not much has changed or happened. Virginia and her family came down last week and i got to spend alot of time with them which was great. Aj and i sort of came to some common ground, i mean we have to atleast stay civil because we will be connected for the rest of our lives whether we like it or not... to be honest its not about us, its about someone else and we just have to focus on that.
I would like to say that i have been quite "strong" through this whole process, i dont really cry, even if i am completely depressed i try and not show anyone, i would rather everyone think that i am doing perfectly fine. But lately i can't help but cry. There is so much i feel like i need to say, i feel like there is sooo much i should be doing, that i am slacking or wasting time... i don't think i can even write about it without breaking down. so subject change.
i keep pressing fast forward and picturing my life 8 or 9 years from now, after i have done all the traveling that i desire. in the house of my dreams with my family, planting flowers in my flower bed, rearranging my furniture, taking painting lessons, writing my book, and just being stable and content. it may seem weird to say but i want it so badly. i just want stability and consistency. my life currently is full of the complete opposite. i have never been down this road, and it's like im running full speed with a blind fold on. i pray that God knows what he is doing with me. i pray he will speak to me and give me peace.
i will never be the same person i was, my life is forever changed.
there is so much more i need to say, but right now i just don't know how...
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