this is your song.

i hope ya don't mind...

blank.

lately i have had so much to write but no motivation to actually write.
i feel like if i don't start writing now he/she will have so many unanswered questions, so i feel the burden to write...not in here of course but in my little journal.

recently i have become even more lazy, i don't even realize what day it is until Sunday rolls around and it's time for church once again. i watch the same shows daily: deal or no deal, csi/law and order, the golden girls, ellen, the nanny, and an occasional disney movie. most people would say they would love a lazy day... well i have a lazy life.

BUT, today marks 20/40weeks. which means we are half way there. i am beyond excited, Virginia is getting more involved and it only makes me feel more sure about my decision.
i'm going to vent real fast so please ignore( we have gone half way through this process without your input or "love" or "support" so please do not come around anytime soon and act like you want to be a part of this. k thanks.)

i have become very fond of Elton John, not sure why? maybe it is his voice? or maybe his lyrics... but i have been jamming him quite often.

to do list:
pay off credit card
set up bedroom
print off school stuff for Hillsong
start walking daily
start writing daily.

ok enough of this, time for sleep?

There's just something I feel when I see you...

Birthday.

My 20th birthday was this past Monday. If I can be completely honest I don't even feel any older. I felt old to start with, I didn't need a birthday to remind me that I'm no longer a teenager. It's weird to think that just a few years ago I got my license, and a few years before that I was soooo excited to be 13 cause it had the word teen at the end. Nowadays birthdays are just another day... Seems like the years are flying by. Which makes me think, what am I doing here. Time to get a move on and figure out where I'm going...

i am far more delicate than you can possibly imagine...

vacation.

i'm leaving for Colorado today, its family vacation time. i will be back next saturday. hopefully this trip goes smoothly, i doubt it but oh well. i mean who gets excited about being in a car for 14 hours with there family, plus the situation im in. oh and to add to that, were going to visit my dad's parents so even more family :)
did i mention that i am no longer allowed to ride a bike, which completely blows! how can you go on a trail ride without anything to ride.
enough complaining. maybe i will meet some people while on this lil extravaganza...

time to pack, eat, shower, clean, and run a few errands.
i will try taking some pictures and posting if i have reception.
xoxo-j

love.

a lot like love, is my new favorite movie. it is absolutely adorable. i can't wait for things to start happening, with the perfect timing of course. but still... i miss you.

lately.

i haven't been inspired at all to write.
even if i hear a lyric or read something that sounds amazing or sad, i just feel so shut down to "love." i am not in the mood for anyone else right now. i wish that wasnt the case, but life goes on. we all get stuck in ruts sometime or another right?

17/40 weeks...i still have a long while.
a long while alone.
a long while getting bigger.
a long while stuck here.
a long while to fall in love with myself again.

i miss him so much, it might not even be him i miss but just the thought of him. i mean im holding onto one single night, a mere 7 hours we spent together. but i remember the simplest things... the star, his eyes, the kiss, what i was wearing, the songs playing, how i was so sleepy but yet so awake. its all just a dream. people continue with there life not thinking for a second about anyone but themselves...but not me, i will always remember.

It’s when you hold eye contact for that second too long or maybe the way you laugh. It sets off a flash and our memories take a picture of who we are at that point when we first know “This is love.”

And we clutch that picture to our hearts because we expect each other to always be the people in that picture. But people change. People aren’t pictures. And you can either take a new picture or throw the old one away.

happy 4th of July.

today would be the perfect day to be with your boyfriend.
cute little kisses under the fireworks, cooking out, cupcakes, pickles, swimming, and all that jazz.

"i miss the part where we were moving forward..."


happy birthday hansel<3